My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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