i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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