This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
