I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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