I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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