3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
