it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
