please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
