used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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