that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
