I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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