you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
