Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
