so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
