i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
