Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
