my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
