Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
