I am spending my child support on dildos
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
