i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
