Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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