How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
