I seem to have left my pride at pride
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
