i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
