We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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