he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
