My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
