we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
