well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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