i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
