pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
