Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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