He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
