you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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