OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
