I think I won the penis lottery.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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