No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
