Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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