I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
