we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
