Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
