I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
