im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
