We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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