If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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