You're my little dorito
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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