this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
