The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
