So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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