There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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