Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
