I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
