Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
