I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
