every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
