Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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