I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
